I From the PC Culture

I Resign From This Politically

Correct Culture

By Kevin Schmidt

If I could have your attention, please. After nineteen years of dutiful service, I would like to submit my resignation and wash my hands of this “PC” society that tells me what to think. With my vast expanse of experience, I can say quite frankly that it’s just not for me. Try as I might, I just can’t see the point in being part of a culture that I cannot shape, but rather, attempts to shape me. So with little resolve, and less initiative, I cry out from a dark corner that I, like many others, am sick of feeling guilty!

I’m sick of feeling guilty for being white. My “crackerness” does not put me in the same category as Enron executives who cheat the working man. Nor does it place me in the same category as the hate mongers who want to keep America “pure.” I don’t especially feel like being called a racist when I hardly raise an eyebrow to a theme party where all people want is to get drunk and hook up. But as it turns out, I can’t walk through Benson eating my skittles without being barraged with orange, and feeling guilty for not participating. I’m pretty tired of it.

I’m also tired of the fact that it’s not cool to be straight these days. I’m tired America’s best role models being five gay guys for the sole reason that they have fashion sense and can apparently “connect with people” better than any straight guy. I embrace people being who they are, but I don’t like the fact that homosexuality presupposes sensitivity, while heterosexuality becomes synonymous with a lack of culture, cleanliness, or understanding. I don’t need homosexuality to become the next fad, and I’d rather not have girls tell me I’d look great in pink. Just like gay men don’t need people doing double takes when they hold hands on the street, I don’t want laughs when I walk around the store in my sweatpants. I’ve had it!

And there’s one more thing. I’ve had it with all those wheelchair ramps and handicap parking spots. I know I’m not the only one who gets winded walking up that steady incline on the way to Sport Chalet to buy my running shoes. Disabled people have been coasting on our sympathy for too long, and it’s time to put a stop to it. We didn’t make them disabled, so why do we have to park extra far away when we want to play touch football in the park. Is it opposite day? What’s going on here? Seriously, I feel like I’m talking to a wall. I’m sorry to do this, but I have to get out. I’d fix the problem but I don’t really feel like it. I think I’d rather just leave.